Disclosure
by Nerdene Hyrde
Summary: About Sam, Shadowsinger, and how a secret came out. Chapter Five, the final secret.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, all, and welcome to another rp-style fic. Sam was played by Lokiwaterdrac, and Shadowsinger was played by myself, Kd Zeal. This is a little Hyrde-fic, gee, you'd never guess THAT... So, yup, Transformers is not ours, we're just playing with ideas. So, onward!

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Well… at least this one was smaller… thank god for small miracles. Sam smiled wryly at that and watched the small mech come toward him, wondering were his guardian had run off to. "Hello," he said, trying to be friendly, while remembering if Bumblebee had introduced him to the ivory and purple Autobot.

Shadowsinger still wasn't really used to looking DOWN for humans, even Wei was usually being carried by someone. He raised his hand in an automatic wave, looking at the boy curiously. Civilian, seemed to be a little younger than Wei... "Hello," he might as well find out if the human wanted to talk, he didn't really have anywhere to go, just enjoying being outside for a change.

"Nice day out, huh?" Sam asked politely, "Have we met before, or am I just being weird again?" He winced at how stupid that sounded, shifting his books on his lap. "My name's Sam, what's yours?"

"Sam?" The name seemed familiar... then again, who could be sure with human names? "I'm Shadowsinger. No, I don't believe we have met. May I sit?" The mech motioned to the ground next to Sam. It really was a nice day, a good temperature and... pretty.

"Huh? Oh yeah, of course!" Clearing his books away the human smiled, "I'd be happy if you did." Sam near winced at that too, he was such an idiot, and a klutz, it was a wonder Bumblebee put up with him… "So, what brings you out here?" he asked casually after the Autobot seated himself.

Folding himself down to sit where Sam had indicated, Shadowsinger shrugged a little. "I'm thoroughly sick of official Autobot yellow, it's been a while since I was on a planet, and... Well, as y'said, it's a nice day." Well... he might as well ask, "If you don't mind... that's the second time you've winced, am I bothering you or something?"

"What? No, no, of course not!" Sam said instantly, waving his hands. "I'm just nervous, like always, twitchy I guess. I'm kinda a klutz and I do stupid stuff…" Trailing off, the human realized just how little sense he'd made and nearly hit himself. "That… totally made no sense…"

Shadowsinger laughed, this earnest young human was almost as endearing as Wei. "You're fine, Sam. You should see my ward, whenever HE doesn't understand something, he'll say his brain broke. As well as making random comments about Apple, he kinda... worked there..." Still did, technically. Very technically, in the totally-never-there manner. "You're lucky the biggest 'bot you have to worry about here is Prime... I've got a sixty-foot dinobot on my ship."

Looking rather confused, Sam blinked. "Dinobot? What's a dinobot?" Sixty feet… holy fuck that was huge! "And I understand brain breakage, when I'm around 'Bee he can be even more confusing than my friend Miles, and Miles… well, he talks to inanimate objects and squirrels… even if they look rabid." Oh, had that been a interesting sight, seeing his dear friend sit in a tree and talk to the furry creatures… although he felt lucky that Miles hadn't tried to HUG it too…

"Dinobot, exactly what it sounds like, Loki happens to be a spinosaurus. She's the biggest Dinobot, AND the youngest, and one of their few femmes," Shadowsinger said all of this with a huge grin on his face. "Miles sounds interest... 'Bee? Bumblebee? Bumblebee is... your guardian?" Okay, well... this was not... what he'd... maybe he was jumping to conclusions, that was never a good thing to do around humans!

"She's… she's not going to step on me, right? I don't want to get turned into a pancake, really…" Sam mumbled, knowing far too well that he was going to have a new nightmare when he slept… "Yeah, Bumblebee, why? Are you good friends with him?"

"No, Loki would never step on you. She's really gentle, even if her favorite hobby is tearing off Screamer's wings," Shadowsinger heard himself answer. He was kind of afraid he'd failed in comforting Sam... Sam... "I'm not really friends with Bumblebee much, I get along more with the Twins... You're the one... I mean..."

Well, that made him feel somewhat better… "What? Did I do something wrong, or...?" Now Sam was even more confused, what was Shadowsinger talking about? Unless he meant the battle against Megatron, but… then why would the mech be so hesitant to talk about it...? of course, he could just be unsure, but…

"Wrong...? No, not... You're the one who... offlined..." Time had passed, made the broken bond fade some, usually he could talk about the AllSpark being destroyed without problems. Of course, usually he was talking about just that, the lose of the Cube, not the lose of his mate. "Would you mind... telling me how it happened...?" It wasn't the boy's fault... he fought to live.

Sam looked down and put his books in his bag, "I don't really know how, but I can try…" He sighed and focused on the patch of ground in front of him. "'Bee got hurt… and he wanted me to go, run, but I refused to leave him… then he gave me the AllSpark and made me go… I don't remember much after that, mostly blurs and explosions… and then Megatron caught up to me, tried to make me give him the cube, but I said no. Then I was falling and Optimus was yelling at me to put the AllSpark in his chest… but I ran the other way and pushed it into Megatron's… and that's it I guess…" He shrugged, eyes glazed over as he remembered the battle.

A surprisingly quick story, really, though Shadowsinger knew well how confusing battle could be, especially the first. "Why? Why didn't you... follow Prime's order? For all you knew, the AllSpark could have bestowed power..." Shadowsinger's voice was soft.

Sam shivered at that thought and shook his head. "I don't know why I did it, really, just something in my gut told me to do it…" He really didn't know why he did it, a little voice just told him to go the other way, shove the cube into Megatron's chest and do what needed done.

A feeling. Just a feeling that it would be best to disobey a Prime's order, and it had left his mate dead. "Well, it... seems to have worked out... well enough. How... have you been after? I mean... I know I... was a bit of a wreck after my first battle..." He needed to change the subject, he needed to change the subject now... And maybe, he wanted to know if Sam felt... even the least bit guilty, over killing someone, anyone, regardless of who it was...

"You're going to laugh or think I'm stupid…" Sam muttered. Sure he didn't mind talking about the battle, but… after... It was weird, some Autobots didn't understand his reaction to the battle and even if it were only a few… would Shadowsinger think it about him?

"No, I won't," he was able to say it calmly and surely. "I'm good at listening, I don't spill secrets, and sometimes I'm even able to say something that helps," Shadowsinger managed a smile on that last part. Why was he always trying to help everyone... Slag, he'd probably even offer to listen to Starscream if the mech... well, okay, not Starscream, but just about anyone else...

"When I realized I'd killed Megatron… I felt horrible, even cried, as stupid as that sounds. No matter what a person does, they don't deserve to die like he did…" The human mumbled, refusing to look Shadowsinger in the optics. He felt foolish spilling such a thing to a person he'd just met, but hopefully the mech really wouldn't laugh.

Shadowsinger froze, absently grateful that the human wasn't looking at him. Primus, he had wanted to know if the boy felt guilt... but he hadn't been ready to hear it laid out so neatly. "There are worse ways to die. It... sounds like it was quick... And in battle, he would... I think... preferred that." He would have been horrified that a slagging organic had offlined him... but Shadowsinger retained the presence of mind not to mention that to the boy. Cycling his vents, the mech continued, "Feeling... guilty for... the deaths we've caused... That's one of the things that separates... well, most Autobots from Decepticons. I mean, look at Starscream, I can promise you that HE doesn't feel guilty, and believe me, he's done far worse..." Comforting his mate's killer... how low had he gone?

"Yeah, but… I'd never killed before, and I never want to kill again, ever," mumbled the human, it was true, he had never killed before, not even any animal… well, except of course some bugs and such… but that was different!

"Exactly. And, Primus willing, you won't have to." Loki would be pulling Sam to cuddle with her... Shadowsinger didn't, he wasn't as prone to touch in the first place, and hugging Sam... "For what it's worth... I wish he didn't... have to die. And that you... hadn't had to kill him." His voice was strained, he hoped the boy didn't take it the wrong way. He had expected to be angry, prepared himself to hate Sam... The mech was quite surprised that he didn't, couldn't.

"Me too…" Sam shivered and pulled his legs up against his chest. "But I would do it again if I had to… no matter how much I hated it and still hate having to do it…" The human tried to push away the thought that maybe Shadowsinger was just being nice and humoring him, after all, everyone else who humored him… well, they were as subtle as a herd of elephants.

Warmth under his hand startled him. Shadowsinger wasn't sure when he'd put his hand on Sam's back, but he looked so miserable... "I know. It was him or your whole race. You made the only decision you could." Well, as much as he wasn't enjoying this conversation, the mech did know he'd be glad he'd had it, later on.

Sam had to force himself to keep from pressing up against the hand touching him. The touch didn't just make him feel better, it also let him know that he wasn't just being humored or tuned out… "Yeah…" he mumbled, not sure what to say.

Perfectly willing to let the conversation fade, the mech returned to his own thoughts. It really was a beautiful day, the sun was warm... He was glad he wasn't black like Ironhide, he was fairly sure that could get uncomfortable pretty quickly. Unconsciously, Shadowsinger rubbed Sam's back a little, something Loki did to him and he'd started doing with Wei, humans seemed to like contact.

Finally letting himself go slightly, Sam relaxed from the petting of his back, near leaning against Shadowsinger's leg before he could stop himself. Although feeling weird about it, he felt safe around Shadowsinger… even if he'd just met the mech.

Yep... his life was as weird as ever, although weirdness had a level of disturbing on it this time. "So... while I'm here, anything else you've been wanting t'talk about? Or anything you want to hear about?" Shadowsinger wasn't looking at Sam, gazing at some point on the horizon.

Shrugging, Sam finally uncurled himself, shoving the thoughts of death away ruthlessly. "Not really, I'm not much of a talker, I get twitchy and stuff… and… yeah… I'll shut up now; just enjoy the weather and niceness." He felt idiotic again, but ignored it, not wanting to end the relaxation.

"Okay," Shadowsinger agreed in amusement. He didn't move his hand, Sam didn't seem to mind it... Silently, the two watched the day pass.

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Please leave a review! Thanks all!


	2. Chapter 2

Yo, all, another chapter. Again, I played Shadowsinger, and Loki played... well, Loki. -huggles- sis

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Back safe on his ship, Shadowsinger was busy training, throwing himself through a beautiful, vicious dance. He still wasn't sure what he thought after meeting Sam. He didn't hate the boy, maybe even liked him... Time and distance had weakened the bond, but he still remembered the pain of it snapping, at that point in time he would have gladly killed the one responsible... instead he had comforted him, ABSOLVED him... Sam had fought to live... Snarling, Shadowsinger continued his routine.

"Ya' look ready ta' kill an' destroy Shadow, ya' need ta' talk?" Loki asked, chuckling when the mech jumped in surprise. But seriously, after visiting the Autobot base on earth, Shadowsinger had come back looking like he wanted to truly kill something but couldn't. "Do ya' need ta' talk, bro?" she asked, using the one nickname that always worked on the small mech.

Need to talk... badly. Could talk, not so much. Pit, he couldn't even talk about this to Havok, even if Havok HAD been around... "Sis..." it was half a moan, Shadowsinger suddenly realized he'd been at this for easily a full joor non-stop. Energy levels were critically low, he hadn't refueled since he'd been back... Wish would have been pissed. "I can't. I can't... slagging..." It wasn't true though, and so the sentence remained unfinished.

"Bro?" Stepping up next to him, Loki knelt, "Shadow, ya' okay? What's wrong?" Picking him up, she cradled him and looked him over for injury, already heading for the door. "What did ya' do ta' 'urself?" the dinobot asked.

"Energy, just... low... Neglected m'sel', 'sit. No injuries, no damage." Of course, Loki was just going to get more worried about that, he was not known for neglecting his physical health. Well, let her carry him wherever she wanted, it wasn't expending any energy on his part.

Growling, Loki ran her fingers over her friend's purple and ivory armor, switching her destination from the rec. room to her office. The dinobot was lucky and had quite a bit of energon stored in her office, along with high-grade and even low-grade… it wasn't her fault, really, the twins patented 'energon hiding containers' used to do just as their name suggested, hide energon, and Loki'd been lucky to receive the extras they'd made. She sat Shadowsinger down on her desk and went to one of them, the one that was hidden behind one of the walls, and drew a cube out. "Why'd ya' go'n neglect ya'self bro? It's not good!" Loki handed him the cube and practically forced him into a position to drink it, ready to really force him if the mech refused.

"Yes, I noticed that." Shadowsinger tried not to snap, she was just worried for him, she had every right to be, both by rank and adopted familial ties. Resisting the urge to guzzle the energon, he drank at a slower, steady pace, giving his systems time to adjust to the energy. Loki watched him sternly until he finished, and the small mech tried to figure out what to tell her. "I just... was remembering things..."

Taking her favorite seat on her desk, Loki gently pulled her friend into her lap, as she almost always did when they talked. "What sorta things? A'm here fo' ya' Shadow, A'll listen, ya' know that…" The dinobot was extremely worried about her friend, he almost NEVER neglected his health…

He hated this, not being completely honest with even his claimed sister... oh, he never lied, but Shadowsinger knew quiet well that he was a deceitful little thing. But it wasn't safe, Xobit might accept, WOULD, but Loki... So... that, he knew how he would take this now... "I met Sam. He... wasn't what I expected. It reminded me... You know, I saw Megatron once in a pit fight? I think I told you that... it was the same night I met the twins? And... just, remembered my past, what I've lost..."

"Aye, ya' tol' meh…" Loki said, petting Shadowsinger's head with one of her fingers. "A'm listenin' bro, jus' let it all out, whatever ya' gotta do ta' feel better…" She continued her petting as she spoke, drifting her fingers down to rub his back plating in soothing little circles.

"You know so little about me... Which is entirely my fault. You know, you're a lot like Havok, ooh, my Dark Brother would hate that comment... Well, he wasn't so touchy, would usually calm me down by dragging me into a fight... and then dragging me to a berth... He got me into my first barfight, we took out the entire bar... Sewers are nasty. Fragger Steelspark sent me here to get me away from Havok..." Shadowsinger was babbling, carefully, but... it did feel good, uncloak some of the deception...

Trying to make sense of the words, the dinobot recognized some of what was being said, but the rest… went right over her head. But she just nodded and remained silent, keeping up with her stroking to let Shadow know it was okay to continue his speaking. Loki was still worried, although being confused by her friend was normal… she wasn't sure about his topic shifting… it just wasn't him.

No reaction, no comments? Twisting a little, the mech caught the nod, she was listening then... she was confused, and worried, still very worried... "I miss him. I MISS him, even if I shouldn't... Havok knew, I think he was the only one who did..." Slag! Was he overenergized, no, that was impossible, he'd drunk slowly... that was SO not the way he'd intended to word that, bad enough he was letting this slip, but to make it so clear that Havok wasn't the one he was missing so...

"Who, bro?" Loki asked gently, fingers pausing just momentarily before switching around to rub the mech's chest plates in the same way. It was the same soothing touches she'd always used, the ones that always relaxed who was getting them.

Slag... frag, there was no getting out of this... And Loki knew him too well, knew just how to relax him even when he didn't want to relax... "My... my bonded..." Shadowsinger offlined his optics, he didn't want to see her reaction to that, bad enough that he would feel it, hear it... Could he... no, there was no reason to have hid it if his bonded was a 'bot, he would have to admit it he was 'con...

"'Ur bonded?" the dinobot asked, shifting back to petting Shadowsinger's head again. She never knew her friend was bonded, he'd never mentioned it… unless it was supposed to be a secret… but why would it be a secret...? "Missin' any bonded woul' be hard Shadow'…"

"He's dead," Shadowsinger stated emotionlessly. "He was Decepticon. Hadn't seen him for ages, and then he died. ...Thank Primus we never completed it..." Thank Primus he had had time to learn to live alone... The small mech shivered, he knew Loki well enough to know she wouldn't reject him just for this, and it was good to admit it to someone... even if she still couldn't know everything.

Loki wasn't sure what to say exactly and ended up staying silent for a moment, shifting to hold her friend closer. She nodded after a minute and then finally spoke, "A' betcha miss 'im though… A' know A'd miss mah bonded… though A'm not lucky 'nough ta' get 'ne anyway."

"Lucky..." He never had figured out if he were lucky or not, lucky to have survived, perhaps, but lucky to be bonded, let alone to the one he had feared so... "We had... no clue what we were doing, so very... little idea... But we never regretted it, I never regretted it, up until he went missing I know he hadn't either..." He was back to babbling, trying to burrow against Loki. For a moment he considered actually doing that, she was so warm and nice inside... Then reality hit and Shadowsinger wondered just what he was thinking. If nothing else, Loki would probably object, REALLY object, and she'd be right, this wasn't the time for that.

Again Loki remained silent, letting her touches show that she was listening and didn't mind that Shadow wanted to be close. He seemed to be needing it… needing it badly, and the dinobot didn't mind contact, no, not at all, she was used to being the one who instigated it… and the loss of a mate… that did explain her friend's actions, Loki wished she could help more, but was unsure how…

"'S why I know s'much random info about 'cons, know how things work... Or at least used to, Starscream really fragged stuff up..." Random information, explanations of a sort. "I'm loyal. I know you know that, but... I am, even with... I've never knowingly betrayed the 'bots, we didn't use the information we'd learned..." Part of that had been a function of Shadowsinger's non-existent rank at the time, but he needed it said, needed to know that Loki believed him...

"That was never questioned bro, A' know ya' loyal, an' if ANY'NE thinks not A'll personally slag 'em!" A low growl tore itself from Loki's throat before she could stop it and she tightened her grip around Shadowsinger, still petting him gently. "Ya' tell me if any'ne says anythin' 'bout ya'!"

"Even if I told ya... he was high ranking?" he shouldn't have said that, it got to close... but Loki's reaction was gratifying, and he selfishly milked it. "No... that was unfair of me, I don't doubt you. Truly, I don't... you're takin' this surprisingly well..."

Shaking her head, the spinosaurus dinobot actually leaned down to nuzzle her friend, narrowly catching herself and keeping from licking him. "O' course A' still trust ya', an' A' always will! It's not that surprisin' that ya'd get a bond-mate high up, no matter what side o' th' fight, ya' a strong lil' guy Shadow', jus' like A' tol' ya' when A' firs' met ya'!" And he was, extremely strong and feisty, perfect as a friend to the dinobot.

Shadowsinger was glad he was hiding already, he found himself wanting to curl up in embarrassment at that statement. "Wasn't cuz I was strong... I'm fairly sure the only reason I survived was because... heh, I'm good at submitting..." Well, that just made things sound totally wrong. "I don't... want this to change anything 'tween us, sis. He's dead, and I LIKE bein' with ya. ... and you're still taking this well..."

"It won', why would it?" Loki asked, blinking in surprise and wonder. She actually did lick her friend then and nuzzled him again, shifting so he could hide easier if he wanted. Shadowsinger was so small compared to her… Loki was actually surprised that he hadn't crawled under her armor already, since he was trying to get even smaller…

He sighed at the lick, that alone was proof that she wasn't going to let this change anything. Shadowsinger blinked dumbly as the spinosaurus shifted and basically presented him with the perfect entry into her systems, well, if she didn't MIND... "Eh, some people are weird about things," was the only real explanation he could give before he slipped under her armor and curled up, it was SO warm and safe here, her energy playing across his systems gently...

Used to Shadowsinger climbing under her armor, Loki was able to control herself, standing and walking across the room. If Shadowsinger was going to hide out in her armor, she was definitely going to go someplace more comfortable… at the very least her or his quarters, depending on whose she found first.

The small mech purred a little as Loki's movements sent more energy over and through him. "You know... I bet we could sneak me int'all sorts a'places like this, if we wanted..." The thought came to Shadowsinger randomly, and he laughed, still a little shaky but feeling much, much better now.

"Aye, tha's true… wanna come ta' a higher-ups meeten' some time? Me an' 'Bit could use 'normal company…" Loki came to her room first and entered, lying on her berth so that she could curl around the mech under her armor without crushing him. "Comfy?"

"If that got found, Red'd go even more paranoid than usual... didja just call meh normal?" She'd stopped moving, and... laid down. And curled around him, as weird as that probably was. "Humm... very comfy..." Shadowsinger uncurled himself and spread himself over her systems, he wasn't looking for an overload, but the soft arousal, the sheer level of intimate contact, was soothing, needed.

"Th' twins'd calm 'im down, an' ya' know what A' meant… some times them stuffy ol' bots need ta' relax…" Loki shifted slightly, knowing that the energy from the move would relax Shadow more. "But think o' how fun th' look on th' Prowler's face'd be!" she said, giggling.

Shadowsinger giggled back, shifting back to a purr as further energy played through him. "I still don't find freaking Prowl out to be... hum, that much fun." He squirmed up higher, climbing up her torso, from in here he could actually see her spark chamber... it was pretty.

Tail curled around her, Loki shifted again, needing to make sure movement wasn't going to hurt her friend. His own movement was careful and actually comforting, letting the dinobot relax as she knew Shadowsinger was doing.

It was kinda unfair of him, but the small mech really didn't care. Revving his engine just a little in a happy purr, Shadowsinger reached Loki's spark chamber and carefully curled around it, it was so WARM... "'m jus... gonn'recharge 'ere... m'k?" He slagging well hoped it was okay, since he really wasn't sure he felt like crawling all the way out again.

"Ya' do that, A'm gonna hit th' hay too…" Loki said, not surprised that the heat now around her spark was the small mech. It was making her tired, but it was a comfortable tired, extremely warm… so nice…

Oh, good, it was okay... With a final rev of his engine, Shadowsinger fell into recharge, feeling better than he had for ages.

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So... Please leave another reveiw! We like reviews! Next chapter: Screamer's a glitch...


	3. Chapter 3

As promised, Starscream's a glitch. Though, as I've learned, there WAS a reason for him being so angry... Anyway, my sis, Loki, played Sam, and I, Kd Zeal, played Shadowsinger.

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Sam wasn't sure how much time had passed since he'd been captured, the hours, days, and maybe even weeks had melted together into a haze of agony and fear… so much fear, it hurt so much… the human tried to pull the chains he was wrapped in, keeping him from doing anything but sitting there. Even the collar and chain around his neck was tight, it wouldn't allow Sam to even collapse completely. "'Bee… I'm sorry 'Bee… it hurts, make it stop…" he whispered into the darkness before he let the comfort of unconsciousness take him.

Primus bless air vents. And while Shadowsinger was requesting blessings, he might as well offer thanks, for none of the cassettes had opposed him. In fact, everything had gone really eerily well, getting out was going to be a glitch... especially since he doubted that Sam would be in a condition to take to the vents. Dropping to the floor, the ivory and purple mech typed in the pass code. He had been forced to wait until someone had entered, to wait longer while he knew what was happening beyond the door... "Oh, Sam..." This wasn't even revenge, no matter what Starscream might call it... this was simple anger, poured out. At least the boy was unconscious, though that couldn't last long. Determinedly, Shadowsinger went to work on removing the chains.

With a sharp cry of pain, Sam woke, struggling as he realized that someone was touching him again. Opening his eyes slightly, he realized that the person standing over him wasn't a Decepticon about to rip into him again, make him scream again… and he recognized the mech too… "Sha-shadowsin-singer-r?" Sam asked hesitantly, going limp as the chains were removed, the suffocating weight being lifted.

"Shh, yes, it's me. You're gonna be okay," the small mech comforted distractedly as the last chain fell away. "Do you think you could hold ont' me while I get back into the air vents, or do we have to do this the harder way?" He really did not want to calmly categorize Sam's wounds, even as he did just that. Multiple lacerations, broken bones, burns, someone had thought the human needed a Decepticon brand, looked like it had been given in the traditional manner, and those were just the injuries Shadowsinger could see. He carefully put Sam on his hip, holding him with one arm.

With a small nod, the human whimpered and held on as best as he could, forcing his arms to work while trying to practically press himself into Shadowsinger's side, even as it felt like knives were being slammed into him. He felt pathetic, clinging to the mech… pathetic and weak… Sam hated it, but couldn't help it. He choked out a small, battered thanks and let his head duck down in shame, eyes closing.

Good, things were actually going very well, something that only knocked Shadowsinger's fears higher. Rule forty-two would likely hit soon, and he'd learned that it tended to hit hard when it was delayed. With Sam hanging on, he only needed one hand to keep the human close, and after a few moments work, Shadowsinger was able to gain the vents again. "You know, you're doing well... I'm... I regret that I took so long to reach you." With another Autobot, Shadowsinger would have been quiet, no need to comfort a fellow fighter... Sam wasn't a fighter.

Sam found himself unable to answer, having a hard time breathing as his broken ribs gave shooting pain through his side and chest. His grip loosened momentarily, but he held on as best as he could, focusing on keeping his grip up and nothing else. Sam didn't want to be a burden or slow Shadowsinger down, told himself that he should have been left, and hated himself for not being able to voice it.

"Careful..." Shadowsinger warned softly as Sam's grip slackened. "It's okay, I can hold you now. We're in the vents, I don't need to do any climbing or anything. Only thing we really have to worry about here is the cassettes, and I can handle them well enough." It required bending nearly double to hold Sam in anything that might be a comfortable, or even tolerable, position. Didn't really matter, he had to go slow to stay quiet anyway, even though he wanted nothing more than to run out of here.

"'M sor... sor…" Sam tried to apologize, but his lungs still wouldn't work, burning as he tried to speak. He wanted to just curl up and go back to sleep, let the pain end… Shadowsinger should have just left him, let him die… the human never thought it would, but death sounded good… too good…

This wasn't good and he knew it, knew that moving the human was likely damaging him further. There was nothing Shadowsinger could do about it though, he wasn't a medic and he didn't dare try accessing the Internet from here. "Don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong. Starscream's good at what he does, good at making innocent people think they're somehow to blame for what he does..."

Again Sam didn't answer, loosing his grip on the Autobot. Spots danced across his vision and he tried to stay awake, but it was so hard… there was so much pain, so much agony… his eyes closed and he felt Shadowsinger's arm tighten around him, keeping him from falling as he left consciousness again.

He was out again, probably a mercy. They didn't have much further to go until they were out of the complex that served as the Decepticon base. Now he just had to get far enough away from the base that the other Autobots could help... Shadowsinger lay Sam on the ground and transformed, using his holoform to cradle Sam and hold the human on the back of his alt form, he'd be faster this way.

They were moving faster than before… As he came to, Sam noticed that he was on what had to be Shadowsinger's alt-form. He opened his eyes slightly but didn't move, couldn't move. Everything hurt still… his chest felt like something was pressing against him, re-breaking his ribs.

An increase in respiration and pulse alerted the mech that Sam was conscious again. "We're outta the base, just a little bit more and Ratchet'll get here. He'll be able to help you better than I," the holoform said. Sam really didn't look good under the sun, skin almost as pale as the holo's hair, where it wasn't covered with discolored bruises.

Answering Shadowsinger with a small cough, Sam felt like something ripped into his side before blood ran out of his mouth. Hands and arms too heavy to wipe it away, he coughed again, more blood spilling from his mouth… but Sam didn't have the strength to do anything but whimper between his coughs… mind and body both broken.

Oh Primus, blood was NOT supposed to come from a human mouth, it wasn't really supposed to come out of them anywhere, but especially not there. His holoform could, of course, ride perfectly even with both hands holding Sam. It wasn't much further to Ratchet, Shadowsinger loaded the boy into the medic, and then could only follow to the medbay. He didn't dare actually go IN the medbay, Wishmaster was okay about non-injured personnel watching as long as they stayed out of his way, but from all accounts, Ratchet wasn't the same way. Shadowsinger stayed outside, cleaning off what little blood had landed on his real form, and idly wondering just when he had gotten so concerned over the person who had killed Megatron.

Sam didn't bother opening his eyes as warm and careful hands touched him, he knew it was Ratchet by the voice that, though normally gruff, was gentle and soothing. The voice alone helped take away his pain and the painkillers helped add to it, making him feel like he was in a fog… a wonderfully warm fog… He tried to talk at first, when Ratchet was cleaning him, apologize for getting blood everywhere and for being a burden, but a comforting hand petting him silenced Sam's mumblings. The human let himself sink into a small state of self-pity when Ratchet's footsteps echoed out of the room, wondering why he'd ever deserved meeting the Autobots when he wasn't needed… Starscream was probably right, he realized with a soft, barely audible whimper, he was useless and only hindering his friends.

He'd slipped in the moment Ratchet stepped out, easily climbing up to reach Sam. Poor little human... "You're not, you know," Shadowsinger spoke quietly in response to the whimper, hoping he was guessing correctly. Starscream was fairly predicable, as were the poisonous words whispered in the midst of torture. That knowledge, and Sam's earlier attempts at apologizing, gave him the courage to say words that were, on the surface, completely appropo of nothing.

"Am," was all Sam could say, wondering how the mech could read minds and how he hadn't heard Shadowsinger enter. The human shivered when he realized that he was completely exposed, but was just too tired to do anything about it. Part of him hoped his savior wouldn't leave him, while the other part… wanted to be alone, wanted to just go to sleep and never wake.

"Not," Shadowsinger replied, sitting on the floor and running his fingers carefully through Sam's hair. Words wouldn't do very much yet, just his simple presence would be enough. At least for a little while... it would be best if he were able to stay until the human felt ready to talk, well, don't worry about the future quite yet, he could do that when Sam wasn't around, wasn't as likely to subconsciously pick up on his mood. Slag, humans were so fragile, and yet so strong...

"Am," Sam repeated, sighing at the feel of his hair being stroked. The meds Ratchet had given him were wearing off enough that he could open his eyes again. It was so soothing… he pressed against the finger touching him, enjoying its feel and keeping his eyes down.

"Shall we argue about this like a pair of younglings, then?" Shadowsinger asked with gentle humor. Sam liked the touch, just like Wei then. "Why are you believing anything Starscream told you, anything that ANY of them told you? I knew a grand total of four Decepticons who wouldn't lie to a captive, one's been an Autobot for more than five thousand vorns, one's dead, and the other two weren't involved in this." At least, he was pretty sure that Soundwave and Ravage hadn't participated in this, Starscream wasn't like to allow them the 'honor'.

Curling up, Sam twisted and tried to turn away but found that he was actually trapped against the bed he was on, the blanket hiding most of his body tucked in tightly. "He… right..." he muttered, closing his eyes again, trying to focus on the petting and not the shame he was feeling.

"You don't have to talk about it now," the pale mech comforted. "You already know I won't judge you for what you say or how you feel. Just rest, let your body heal, talk when you're ready." Ratchet was going to have a fit and a half when he returned to the medbay... and Shadowsinger really didn't care.

God, why did he feel so sick of himself? Sam made a sound of pain in the back of his throat and tried to press himself into Shadowsinger's touch again. Stomach clenching, the human could feel unconsciousness calling to him again… welcome darkness.

Shadowsinger smiled bitterly to himself as Sam succumbed to his injuries once again. "Rule forty-two... Fraggin' bites aft." He continued to pet the human, as though Sam were some kind of... cat, smirking in bitter amusment.

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So, there we go. Please, for the love of Primus, leave a review!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four of this little thing... -this-, btw, is for comm, since this site eats all the OTHER markers I try to use for it. Anyway, we don't own Transformers. Xobit played Sam this time, Kd Zeal played Shadowsinger, and Lokiwaterdrac played Loki.  


* * *

Shadowsinger waited, not really nervous... no, helping someone get over Decepticon treatment was old news for him, really. Helping his mate's killer, well, that was fairly new. It didn't matter. Starscream had hurt Sam, hurt him badly, and the human needed help, and it really was as easy as that. So now he was waiting for Bumblebee to bring his ward up, bring him and leave him, because Bumblebee was still needed on earth, and was going to have to trust the small mech to actually help Sam.

Everything still hurt, he was on pain meds and he was sure that a lot of it was just in his own mind, but the worst of the pain had nothing to do with his wounded body. Starscream had been right about everything, he was better off dead, less of a burden, less a liability. Bumblebee didn't understand, nobody understood!

Bumblebee was worried about Sam, it was clear in the way he moved, guiding the human off the shuttle and watching Shadowsinger carefully. Shadowsinger didn't pay very much attention to the yellow scout, just accepting Sam from him. The human now, the small mech paid quite a lot of attention to him. "You're lookin' better than last time I saw you. Gonna be able t'walk, or y'rather me carry ya like I do Wei?"

Eyeing the cream and purple mech, he idly wondered if it was worth it to be angry at him for 'saving' him… no. To be angry was pointless, just like breathing was. "Sure, whatever…" Looking away from both mechs, Sam stared vacantly at a white wall.

Well... he wasn't asking to be killed or left behind. Strictly speaking, that was an improvement. He decided to carry Sam, finally, remembering how Sam had been concerned about Loki... had been... "You know, I already told you Screamer's a fragging liar. Hum... betcha Loki'd love t'get ya set of his wings... she gave me a set, wanna see 'em?" At the moment, what he really wanted was an expression of will, but that might be too much to ask yet.

"… Whatever…" He should probably try and be nice or something, but he really didn't care what Shadowsinger thought of him. He didn't want to listen to him either, feeling more like lying down and ignoring the world until it ignored him in return…

"Y'know, part a' th'reason I suggested y'come up here, 'steada me goin' down, 'cause no-one here's really gonna be 'spectin' anything from ya. Well... we gonna make sure y'stay fed and hydrated, and I'm gonna be buggin' ya t'talk, or at least listen..." The thought occurred to Shadowsinger, Sam felt useless, Starscream had tried to convince him of that... so perhaps giving him something to do... "Cuz I could always use someone t'listen to me, even if I'm only just thinking aloud. An' if ya want, we could find some duties for ya..." It was meant to be more or less harmless prattle, giving options... possibly too many.

Sam was already off in his own world again, staring at the white walls going by and not listening to the mech carrying him beyond the fact that he registered the accent… but he didn't even have the energy to try and place it. That was how his world had been lately, he woke and yet kept on dreaming, or maybe it was that he had finally woken and wanted to go back to the dream? Bleh… it did not matter! "Mm…"

"A' thought ya' was gonna wait fo' meh, Shadow'…" Reprimanding her friend lightly, Loki came up behind him and the small human in his arms. They'd wanted to wait for Sam's arrival together but she was late, it was her fault she knew, but she had to tease him… "Yo', Sam?" she said cheerfully, forcing away the urge to go shred a set of Starscream's wings and then send them to the seeker in a box… no, first the dinobot had to protect Sam with her brother, and THEN she'd enjoy ripping a new set from the seeker.

"Well it's not my fault you were late," Shadowsinger responded, unconsciously tightening his hold on Sam just a little. "Sam, you remember I told you about Loki?" He hoped to Primus that there was SOME reaction... if the human didn't respond to his sister, things were worse than he'd thought, might be beyond his skill.

Big… much too big, too many sharp spikes and teeth and… Eyes widening with terror, Sam finally reacted to something for the first time in days. He screamed at the top of his lungs before his eyes rolled up in his head and he fainted dead away. It wasn't really because of the giant metal dinosaur, it was the spikes and the teeth, the memories they brought out in him. Pain and suffering, a cruel voice telling lies that weren't really lies because they held truth and that truth hurt, the lies becoming believable until they too were truth…

Whimpering, Loki backed away, tail pulled near. Even though he was traumatized did he HAVE to scream so horribly? "Maybe A' shoul' jus' stand back… o' go away?..." Even though she wanted to be near the human, if Sam were that terrified it would do him no good, and, unless she disliked the person, she didn't like scaring them.

Good thing he was already holding the boy, falling in his state wouldn't have helped his injuries any... "Nah, sis, you're fine. To be truthful, it's good to know that he will react, though I could have survived just fine without him being quite so... loud..." Glad that Wei had been understanding and willing to stay with Loki while Sam was using his room, the small mech took Sam there. "Oh, sis? D'ya think you could go through and find possible duties for Sam? I'm not gonna give him any unless he asks, but it'll be good if I have a whole list when he does."

Turning over onto his side, Sam fought waking up, there was only pain in the real world and for once his sleep seemed to have been free of nightmares, at least he could not remember having had one. What had he been doing anyway? Nothing important, that was for sure… he never did anything important. Blinking, he realized that the light was on and that the air smelled wrong, like the air of a greenhouse or something… his room did not smell like that!

"Aye… o' he's wakin', ya' want me out?" Loki asked, backing away and trying to keep out of the human's vision, as well as back enough that he wouldn't scream in fear again…. That wouldn't be good at all! She wanted to hug Sam, not scare him!

Cycling his vents, Shadowsinger frowned a little at the dinobot, thinking. Sam was going to have to get used to Loki, he was staying here for a while, but... "Stay... yeah, stay back for now. I know you don't want t'scare him... let's just... y'know, see?" He felt bad for Loki, she liked humans, liked them a lot... but hey, Wei was staying with her, so it wasn't like Sam was the only one around for her to cuddle. "Sam?" he asked softly, turning his attention back to the injured human.

"Mm'me!" It was futile to protest awakening, to try and ignore the soft non-human voice speaking to him… "Why can't you just leave me be? I just want to sleep and never wake up!" Sitting up fast was a bad idea, his ribs complaining right through the haze of pain meds. He fell back down with a wheezing, sickly sounding cough, arms protectively curling over his chest and stomach.

Almost instantly Loki stepped forward… only to step right back. She shot her friend a concerned look before focusing on Sam… his words were so spark-breaking… and they also pissed her off as well. How could he just give up!? How could he, Megatron's killer, just give up completely? Didn't he have ANY will to live left?

Shadowsinger met Loki's worried look with one of his own, reaching for Sam and carefully touching his shoulder. "I know that's what you want. What I don't understand is why you're willing to let Screamer win. You know he's just mad because you did what he failed for vorns to do?" Of course... Sam had felt pretty bad about doing that, too, and didn't fully see why it was such a big deal. Remind him again why he had agreed, had volunteered, to help Sam recover?

He was ready to yell some more, until Shadowsinger brought up the one thing he had done that he both felt pride in and hated with a passion. Flinching, Sam tried to twist away, only to start coughing again, pain slicing through his chest and lungs. "Just… leave me… alone!"

Oh, that was it! Ignoring the twinges of guilt she felt, the dinobot stalked over, forcing back a low growl. "No. No, we won' leave ya' 'lone! We won' 'cause we CARE." As she spoke, Loki's voice softened, seeing Sam cringe and remembering when her fin was ripped off… "Screamer's got 'lotta rage, like Shadow said he's jealous o' ya' fo' killin' his worst enemy 'fore he could! Trust meh, A' know what he does when he goes off 'is rocker…"

"You know... I think all of us here have suffered from Starscream's rage personally directed at us," Shadowsinger commented. It really was more of an idle observation than anything. "And please, Sam, can you stop twisting about so much? Wish' is gonna have t'look at you eventually, but he's kinda snarky when it's your own actions that landed you in his med-bay."

The sight of the large… enormous, spiked metal dinosaur scared Sam stiff, unwittingly making him follow the smaller mech's suggestion. Oh yeah, Shadowsinger had told him about this Loki, but telling and seeing were two very different things, especially when the dino seemed to seethe with anger.

Well at least he wasn't screaming this time… Loki sighed and looked at Shadowsinger hesitantly before reaching out, gently touching Sam's shoulder in what was supposed to be a soothing matter. She wasn't going to hurt him, that was obvious, so why was he so fragging scared!?

The fear... sadly, was fully expected. At least Sam wasn't moving... yet... "Told ya she was big. She's just torqued at Screamer... You know he took her fin once?" Okay, yeah, he didn't really want to talk about that... "Loki likes humans, though. She's really glad to meet you." The pale mech put his hand on Loki's wrist, not trying to stop her, just... well, demonstrating to Sam that she was safe.

"Spikes…" Really intelligent, but it was all Sam could squeeze out of his dry mouth, tone raspy with terror. Before Starscream, he had been eager to meet the infamous dinobot femme… to meet the femmes of this ship and the human living with them now… Eagerness was a thing of the past, just like happiness, all that was left was depression and fear.

Confused, Loki pulled away, what did he… oh. The dinobot was so used to being in her alt form around friends she had forgotten about how… terrifying her spikes and claws could be, not to mention her fangs… Pulling further away, she transformed. Her claws stayed, fangs and some spikes too, but it wasn't as scary… well, she hopped it wasn't.

"Yes, Sam, she's got spikes..." Watching as Loki returned to her root mode, Shadowsinger revved his engine appreciatively before looking back at Sam. "They're actually quite sensitive, you wouldn't believe how nicely she can mewl when you hit 'em just right." This fear wasn't good for Sam, but asking Loki to leave wouldn't help, not really, just because she was around so much. She WAS second in command, after all, and so Sam was just going to have to adjust. Though maybe talking about the noises she made while interfacing wasn't quite the way to go about helping the human adjust...

That… helped a little, the transforming thing, but she still had claws... on the other hand, it was now very obvious that she was a 'she', and certainly a LOT prettier then Starscream! Maybe it was the fear that allowed him to react to what Shadowsinger had just stated… Sam turned his head to the cream colored mech, eyes so wide they looked ready to pop out of his head. "What?" it was a half shriek, he could not believe that the mech had just told him… said that. It just… you didn't just tell things like that to others!

"Shadow!" Ducking her head, Loki covered her face with a hand, rubbing at her visor. "Not that A' care, but he's scared o' meh enough, ya' gonna tell 'im 'bout the time ya' crawled inside mah armor an' drove meh nuts messin' with mah wires too?!" Instantly she dropped her head, hitting herself, not meaning to add on to what would make Sam uncomfortable.

"Well, I may have, but y'just went and did so... very nicely, too, sis." Shadowsinger grinned wider, flickering an optic in a wink at Sam. "'Course, what she ain't tellin' ya is that I was just as nuts... Or that I regularly hide in her now." By Primus, it was a reaction, and not a thoroughly negative reaction either! Shock and confusion now, with a good dose of embarrassment... it was something.

That… they just weren't, and in front, and… no! Hiding his blushing face with his hands, Sam groaned out loud, "I don't want to know that! I don't… you mean Bumblebee does…" Oh god, no, please! That was the 'TMI' of the century, he did not want nor need to know that his car had kinky sex with other cars…

"Wha'? 's not that bad, is it?" Loki asked, stepping closer again to look Sam over. Wei wasn't always around and the human sitting there was so cute… she reached out and touched his head carefully, giggling from the feel of his blush under her fingers, warm. Hopefully he wouldn't be afraid… hopefully…

Rubbing circles against Sam's shoulder, Shadowsinger kept grinning as he answered Sam's question. "Well... I very much doubt he goes into anyone, he's almost twice my size, and while there are some bigger than Loki, well..." He trailed off with a shrug. "You'll find we're very open about such things, here especially... I might as well warn you right now, walking into the rec room can be a very... interesting experience. I'll have to get Wei t'tell ya some of the stories..."

Oh… god… Primus, WHOEVER! He was on a ship full of perverts! It wasn't that Bumblebee hadn't told him about the, well, lack of taboos in the Cybertronian society. Please! They were both young males, and yeah, well, he was a young male and since… since, before Starscream, he and the yellow scout had become rather close…

"I… really don't think I wanted to know that…"

Purring again, Loki sat, finding it annoying to have to lean down almost to the floor. She kept a hand on Sam's head though, petting him while thanking Primus and every earth deity she could think of. He hadn't screamed in terror and that was MORE than enough to make her grateful.

"It's okay. You can pretend I didn't say it, and we'll try not to reference your guardian's interface-life any more, okay? But I can't make promises about mentioning our own..." Actually, Shadowsinger COULD make a promise regarding it... he could promise they were going to mention their own quite a lot, it didn't matter if Sam was around or not. After all, that's how they were around Wei.

It was weird how the dino… dinobot? Kept touching him, but it worked, the control she showed demonstrated her obvious reluctance towards hurting him. It was so different from Starscream's control, which had been used only to ensure that Sam wasn't killed. Starscream… the mech was nothing like the Autobots, the fraction he came from build on deceit and hate. Sam's musings turned inwards and he fell back into the sullen depressive state, even if the cause was different now…

-Wha' do A' do, bro?- Loki asked over her comm., moving so that Sam could lean back onto her hand if he wanted. "Actually ya'll probably get ta' see us mess 'round if ya' stay with us fo' 'while… we kinda go back and forth on messin' with each other…"

-You're doing just fine. We got some reactions from him, that's great,- Shadowsinger soothed, noticing Sam falling back to the depression. Well, that was perfectly fine, and expected. "Sam... talk to me? You already know I won't judge, I can tell ya that m'sis won't either."

Did they do anything but have… sex on this shi… sis?! How the hell could they be siblings, they looked nothing alike! Completely disregarding the rest Sam stared at the cream mech, and then hesitantly up at the large spiky-but-gentle femme. No way in hell they were related… and how could you call someone sis just after having told that you regularly crawled around and had… slapping his hands over his face he groaned. "Just let me sleep a little…?!"

"Jus' a lil', 'k?" Loki said, leaning her hand back so the human could lay down again and pressing herself against the one wall that had no plants covering it. "But A'm stayin' ta' watch ya' whether ya' like it o' nawt'."

Shadowsinger laughed a little, actually tucking Sam in. "Don't even try arguing, Dinobots are fragging stubborn when they make up their minds. When you wake up, we can take you to get some food... ooh, and I can show you my office!" It was meant to be just chatter, something to lull Sam to sleep.

It should have made him unable to sleep, having a giant dinosaur and a motorcycle in a room full of … plants? No wonder it smelled so earthy. But for some reason the things they had said had shaken Sam up, made him think, and that made him tired… not depression tired, but really tired for the first time since coming back from hell. "Sure, whatev…" there was no rancor in the words, only a slight amusement that he wasn't even aware of feeling.

Watching Sam sleep was… peaceful, the way he breathed in and out, chest moving with each breath. Loki enjoyed watching him, reaching over and petting his hair when he turned in his sleep… he was just so cute!

Shadowsinger crawled up Loki to give her a kiss before leaping down and leaving the room. The spinosaurus would let him know when Sam woke up, and the pale mech badly needed to get away for a little while. Do some reports, if nothing else, at least he already had some good news to pass along. Sam had been sleeping for quite a few hours before Loki messaged that he was waking up.

It was actually the smell, or rather scent, that woke him, the damp earthiness simply was so foreign that he could not ignore it like he usually did Mojo or his mom. The beige colored wall clued him in further and Sam tried to figure out why he was here… wherever here was, and why he could not remember any nightmares. Turning over he met the big… like really, really big, blue optics of a transformer…

"Mornin' Sam, did ya' have a good nap?" Loki asked, smiling at the sleepy human and petting him one last time before looking at the door. She expected Shadowsinger to show up any time and rather didn't want to be left alone with a non-sleeping Sam… it just scared her a little bit, not knowing what to do should a problem arise.

He probably SHOULD wait politely outside the door until Sam told him he could come in. Probably, but he didn't. Loki had kinda invited him in, anyway, hadn't she? Shadowsinger could wait politely after Sam was able to be left alone safely, and that time would come, seemed likely to come soon. He hoped it did, they didn't want to make Sam feel like a prisoner in any way. With such thoughts, Shadowsinger ducked into the room, grinned apologetically.

He was really too sleepy still to react, even to the close proximity of the giant face, and the optics were blue, that helped a lot. The voice was actually nice, and the attention was quickly moved from him to the door? The reason came in a few seconds later as Shadowsinger came in… did no one knock… this was like his mother all over again! "Why is everyone in here? No matter what Mom says, I am capable of getting up on my own…"

"Cause we wanna be… an' we do it ta' Wei all th' time…" Loki said before looking at Shadow, "A' see ya' paperwork didn' kill ya'… A'm surprised." The dinobot giggled and without warning pulled her brother into her lap, cuddling him like one would a teddy bear. "A'm glad cause A' need ya' ta' help meh… A'm lost on these lil' thingys on the net 'bout cooking… A' don' wanna set notin' on fire…"

Shadowsinger squeaked as Loki engaged in one of her favorite pastimes. "Let Wei cook, he knows how!" That was actually up for debate, but eh. "It's an off-shoot our earlier conversation... but we'll see 'bout leavin' ya alone next time ya need t'sleep, k? Now c'mon, wanna show you around! Hehe... wanna ride on sis? Lotta fun, view like you wouldn't believe!"

"I can cook for myself, but I am not really hu…" And they were not really listening. It was mildly funny to see a transformer be cuddled as Bumblebee usually cuddled him… used to cuddle him, that is. For the first time since his return, Sam actually thought about the chasm he had created between himself and his guardian. The offer broke through his thoughts and he looked up, startled. "Ah… I don't… know? I'm really not fond of … spikes." Inane and probably rude, but he didn't know what to say really, wanted to be allowed to think… just think…

Laughing to hide her sadness at Sam's statement, the dinobot put Shadowsinger down, though not before taking a quick nip at his wheel wings. "A' understand, lotsa people are scared o' mah spikes… an' everythin' actually… dinobots ain't liked an' tha's why." Shrugging, Loki left the room to wait outside the door, calling back in after a second. "Oh, an' ya' better eat somethin' o' A'm gonna form a holo-thingy an' force ya'. A' won' allow ya' ta' neglect ya' self."

Giving a soft purr at the nip, Shadowsinger watched his sister sadly for a second. When he turned to Sam with hand outstretched, he wore a soft, understanding smile. "It's okay, a little walking is healthy anyway. C'mon, we'll take you to the common room and get some food in you, or Loki really WILL try to feed you. Then I can show you around really quick, stop off at med-bay to get you more painkillers, and bring you back here and let you do whatever, k?" He could tell the human wanted to be left alone, but there were things that needed to be done before that could be allowed.

Looking after the dinobot, Sam wasn't sure what to do. He had the distinct unpleasant feeling that she was more unhappy then she played at, Shadowsinger did not help with dispelling that feeling at all. "I didn't mean it that way… I just… I don't think I can deal with metal spikes for a while yet, and I mean it's not her fault that Starscream likes them so much!" He wasn't even aware that he had broken through some of his depression, putting the guilt onto the deserving party instead of groveling and asking to be killed for the 'transgression'. "Sure... sure… walking healthy…" still preoccupied he got out of the bed, groaning dispiritedly when his whole body still proved to feel like one big bruise.

Hearing her friend's comm. about how Sam didn't mean what he said, Loki comm.ed him back with a sigh. -A' know A' know… A' jus' hope no gold-bitch clones are gonna be poppin' out, cause if they do… tha's why A' said what A' said… well, ya' know…- She felt rather stupid and poked her head back into the room, wincing when Sam stood painfully from the bed and walked over.

"I'm sorry, I should have remembered that," Shadowsinger sympathized directly, drawing back a little to let Sam stand on his own, since that was what he seemed to want. He knew from experience how infuriating it could be, to be treated like glass, and that was something he was NOT wanting to do to Sam. -I've no clue why they would; it's just the crew on the ship, far as I know.- "Come on, this way. I'll carry ya if ya get too tired."

"I can walk…" 'I hope' was added quietly in his own mind, his body felt uncomfortably heavy, stiff, very stiff. Just wonderful, Sam hated being a cripple, hated being a burden… trying to push the thoughts back he hobbled to the giant door, eying it dubiously. "How do I get in and out when I'm alone? I couldn't reach the lock plate even on a good day!" It was high above his head, he knew from experience on the earth base that doors didn't always use motion sensors. It had been funny really, since the Autobots actually 'forgot' that humans had nothing resembling an inbuilt transponder and so didn't plan accordingly. He still felt sorry for the poor soldier who had run smack dab into one of the giant metal doors. The mechs and femmes simply went at it and it opened… if it was locked it sent them a signal and they simply activated the 'doorbell' or went another way.

"We'll get ya' a um… um… like a garage door opener thingy-ma-bober? Tha's what Wei has… right bro?" Loki said, looking at her adopted brother for help since he WAS the CSO and should know what to do… "A' dunno, A' ain't th' 'ne in charge o' that… luckily."

Nodding, Shadowsinger agreed with Loki, "Yeah, a remote, that's part ah' why we gotta give y'a'tour. They're in my office. Oh, and the doors f'common areas, rec room an' th'like, are motion sensitive, and yes, they will read you." He let the human walk, joints did stiffen for humans and Cybertrionians alike, and showing independence would, he hoped, be beneficial to Sam. Even slowed as they were, it didn't take that long to reach the common room.

"Okay, that's nice… or something…" Everything build by the Autobots was big… heck he could barely wrap his mind around the fact that he was in a space ship, the pictures from the space programs shuttles showed these tiny tin can-like conditions. Yet here he walked, in a corridor that a sixty-foot dinosaur traversed with plenty of head space. "It's really hard to believe that I'm in space…" Muttering under his breath Sam stopped short when the doors to the rec room opened and revealed an area that could have been used for an Olympic opening ceremony… spectators included. "Oh, that's… big..."

"Aye, ain't it though?" Loki chuckled at the small human's response to their rec room, "A've been in bigger… but then, tha' was a huge bar an' Prime 'in A' destroyed a small part o' it… her an' mah sis' was what ya' humans would call shit-faced drunk, an' A' jus' didn' put up with bein' attacked…" Gigging at the memory of Xobit letting loose on the idiots who messed with them, Loki leaned down to look at Sam better, "A'll take ya' ta' meet 'er later… 'Bit's amazin' fo' puttin' up with us…"

Wei wasn't around, which wasn't really surprising, but was a little depressing. He should go hunt his ward down later... "And we can take ya t'the bridge, beautiful view of the stars and earth from there... Loki, mind gettin' me a cube? I'm gonna show Sam where the human food is..."

"The bridge?" That sounded interesting, even if everything would be oversized there too. "I'd like to see the earth from space…"

It looked so out of place, the human equipment… but Sam was strangely glad to see it. There was milk and cornflakes, a fact that made Sam happy, since he did not feel like actually making food as such. Eating quickly, he wondered how Shadowsinger and Loki had gotten him out of bed… Not even his mother had been able to get through his depression, yet these two largely unknown persons had managed to do it in the space of hours… Wait! "Did you just tell me that you met your Prime while she was drunk and trashing a bar?"

Handing Shadowsinger a energon cube, the dinobot shook her head, grinning widely. "Actually… she wasn' trashin' th' bar 'til A' started it, A' think? A' dun' 'member that well… though A' did drag 'er back ta' my place an' made 'er sleep it off… She hated that, but A' didn' want 'er ta' walk after we hit that second bar an' the good high-grade was brought out… oh, an' when mah friends hit on 'er, tha' wasn' cool, A' believe ya'd think o' them as man-whores, droolin' over what they couldn' have."

Giggling over the story, the mech nodded his thanks at Loki and drank the cube. He'd heard the story before in better detail, but there was just something about the way the dinobot recounted it... "Which is a much more amusing story than mine." Shadowsinger didn't mind telling his own story, but it would be much better to give Sam a moment to adjust to the ... "Oooh... that's right... you've got to know OPTIMUS Prime... Xobit's a different story entirely... as I'm sure you're figuring."

Head whirling with images of a giant drunken robot brawl and mechs drooling over femmes, not all that difficult to imagine since he had seen the twins drooling over the Ark's CSO plenty of times, Sam mechanically shoved cornflakes in his mouth. It was hard to adjust to the sexual openness of the Cybertronian race. The Ark 'bots knew that humans were more taboo beleaguered, and since they worked closely with them they curtailed their 'playfulness' until the humans were gone again… For the most part that was. The twins, as an example of the opposite, had a tendency to corner Red Alert whenever and wherever they could. Perversely, Sam's mind tried putting Optimus through the story the dinobot told, and failed utterly. He simply could not imagine the noble Autobot leader drunk… A brawl, sure, but more like a 'battle' brawl, not a 'drunk' brawl. "I think I can't imagine how a Prime could do something like that… Shadowsinger? What happened when you met her then… was she drunk then too, or something worse?" For a human, a thirty foot tall, pissed off, drunk metal lady was scary enough, but now he just had to know what had happened to the smaller mech… this Xobit sounded 'mildly' scary… kinda like his mother when you knew her…

Giggling at Sam's reactions the dinobot sipped her own cube of energon carefully, drinking it while waiting for her brothers answer. The human was so surprised it was priceless, and his showing emotion and questioning was great, much better then the depression he'd been in!

"Oh, no, I met her... oh, probably a few thousand years later. Not that she'd really calmed down any..." the mech grinned. "My CO sent me to report here, and I didn't know I was being considered for a promotion until Xobit told me it was an interview for CSO. She got pretty torqued at Steelspark for that trick... and I got a new crew." He smiled again from the memories. They had been too late finding Megatron, and he had lost Havok to the military shuffle, but Shadowsinger had been, and still was, happy here.

...Only a few thousand years later, right, way to make his mind shut down on him. The time spans that the Cybertronians worked with were simply mind numbing. Sergeant Epps had actually just been sitting for almost four hours trying to cope with the fact that Ironhide was at least one billion earth years old, possibly older. It had been fun until Ratchet had threatened to drag him to the med bay for dissection, a joke, unless he moved. "Umm… she sounds scary… does she like humans? Because you know, I don't want to annoy anyone… or be in the way for important stuff…"

"She loves humans! An' she ain't scary at all, jus'… hmmm, ya' could say she's full o' tough love, but she really ain't gonna hurt ya', A' swear," Loki said, frowning at the last part of Sam's words before reaching out and petting his head gently. "Ya' ain't gonna annoy her, if she can put up with me then mah Prime can put up with anyone, an' really, A' mean it, don't worry 'bout notin'."

"She is protective, though. Since you're on her ship, you're under her protection, and she takes that seriously. Hey! I bet we could even teach you some melee fighting, the size between you and most 'cons isn't that much different than I face..." Why Shadowsinger thought of that, he really wasn't sure... "Anyway, if you're done fuel... eating, could take ya on the tour and get that remote, if y'want?"

That… was just confusing, all of it! Yes, including the dinobot's perchance for touching him all the time… "Okay, she loves humans, is protective, likes bar fights and she's not going to step on me?" Putting his bowl into the sink he turned to Shadowsinger, not quite managing to hide his wince of pain. "Yeah, I'm ready to go on tour now…"

"Aye, ya' got it!" Even though she knew that Sam wasn't comfortable with her touches, the dinobot couldn't help it. He was just so cute! So adorable when confused! -Wish's first A' think bro, he's hurtin' an' A' don' like it,- Loki added over the comm., subtle frown directed at Shadowsinger.

-I know, I was going to see if he was going to ask about it... I know that I hate painkil...er, right, Wish's first.- "This way, then. And remember, either of us are happy t'carry ya. I know how scary it can be, bein' small with so many big 'bots around, and you're even smaller 'en'I." Moving slowly, Shadowsinger began going to the door, stopping to quickly put his empty cube away.

"Yeah, okay… but I kinda need to walk around myself a little or it'll never stop hurting..." Sighing a bit, Sam resigned himself to weeks of pained hobbling along while he healed. It was how it had been after Mission City, and then he hadn't been nearly as hurt as he still was now. He so often felt like a curious exotic pet when he was with the Cybertronians, being carried around and petted and… it made him feel worthless to be honest, not before, no, before he had just taken it as a good thing. It meant he had less distance to travel and made it easier to talk to his giant friends, but after Starscream… "I am capable of existing without help!" he couldn't help snapping and felt miserable the instant the words left his mouth.

Sending a look at Shadowsinger, the dinobot spoke, voice in the commanding tone that she hated using so very much. "We never said ya' weren', but ya' know ya' ain't the first ta' have injuries o' be annoyed by 'em! Ask Shadow' how many times A' wouldn' let him walk when he had a scratch o' A' yelled at him fo' not lettin' me help him! Point is, don' ya' get mad cause we're treatin' ya' like glass, we're doin' it cause we care!"

"What we mean is, you're fully capable of existin' without help. Wouldn't doubt that. But, y'know... ya really shouldn't... and sis is gettin' ready ta hit me, ain't she?" He wouldn't blame her if she was, after all, he was saying to Sam exactly what Loki had spent so long saying to HIM.

"Sorry…" He didn't exactly give with good grace, but he knew he had been out of line. That he knew why didn't help at all. "Can we just go? I'm not sure how much I will be up to, carried or walking." Not looking at either one of them, he took a hesitant step forward.

-He needs a fragging hug an' a wake up call.- Loki growled to Shadowsinger, thoroughly fed up with the attitude the human had. She was starting to wonder if it had been a good idea to offer to join her brother in taking care of Sam… the dinobot didn't have any patience for uncaring attitudes, and Sam's was one of the worst she'd ever seen.

-He is still young by human terms, and Screamer messed him up badly! He's not had even half an ORN to recover!- Shadowsinger snapped back. Almost immediately, he added, in a softer tone, -I do appreciate your help, but I don't expect you to stay around for all of it. You can beg off to do work, or recharge, or whatever.- "Never apologize..." the mech muttered, mostly to himself. "We can do more of a tour later, or never, or whatever. Yeah, let's just get ya t'Wish, follow the silver stripe on your right there, k?"

Color? Oh, that was useful, he still had trouble if he was alone at the Ark. "Who's idea was color coding? I assume the other colors show the way to other places?" It was so much easier to talk about non-personal things; it didn't make Sam feel so small, helpless and inadequate. "And… why is the Ark all orange anyways? I know that anyone can just download the ship's layout, but, yeah… I mean, I know that your people had other organic allies, and, well, all the soldiers get lost at Autobot city and the Ark…"

"Um… Long' made 'em an' installed 'em, A' dunno what fo' though, A' left that ta' Shadow'…" Loki said out loud while eyeing her friend.-A'm sorry, okay?! It jus' burns meh up fo' him ta' act so fraggin'… grrrrrr!- Growling into the comm. the dinobot wished she could flip her tail in annoyance. -A'm gonna kill Starscream!-

"Sis... I wasn't even on the ship when Long' made her suggestion. I'm not even sure I was an Autobot at that point! But yeah, Sam, the slate is the rec room, the official orange is the bridge, Loki's office is that pretty light blue..." Shadowsinger trailed off, he couldn't expect the human to get all the colors so fast. "It... well, we're not the most formal of crews, don't always follow all the regulations, so that's why it's more colorful here. I agree, it's quite a help." -...I know. I don't like it either... I, shouldn't have snapped... can I help with the killing?-

"Who is Long'? I thought everyone were born… uh, created? Either 'bot or 'con…" Sam had never thought to ask and felt immensely stupid, why had he never asked? If he had asked more questions, he would maybe not be so useless, or at least have found out before Starscream's kidnapping…

"Sorry…that was a stupiAH!" Tripping jolted his entire body, even as he managed to keep standing, leaning heavily on the wall.

-Of cours-- Not finishing Loki knelt, hand wrapped around the human for him to lean on. "Bro?" she asked, optics worried and anger forgotten. Using her other hand, the dinobot scooped Sam up before he could argue and, keeping down low, held him out to Shadowsinger to take. Normally she wouldn't mind carrying him, but… well, he was injured, emotionally unstable, and scared of her… that deterred her from keeping her hold.

He accepted Sam from Loki's hand, holding him in what was called 'bridal style', honestly cuddling the boy... but only for a moment. Sam had to know he was welcome and accepted, but also that they saw him as self-capable. "Longshot is a sniper, a femme seeker with a Harrier alt, you're not that likely to come across her. And while I'm thinking about it, I should likely warn you that Wishmaster's a triple-changer who keeps his wings out in root-mode. And no, we're sparked neutral. Ideally, there would be no 'bots or 'cons, but the war has made sides... But more than one of our crew has either considered or actually used to be 'con." Shadowsinger answered politely and friendly, and tried to forget again just who he held.

Sam supposed it would serve no purpose to try and walk, he had, after all,just demonstrated that he couldn't. Relaxing ever so slightly, his chest rising and falling with a heavy sigh, he resigned himself to being carried. "I guess that human assumptions about robots can't really be applied to Cybertronians… It's just so easy to try and explain you with terms like programming and such! 'Bee once told me that your 'computer'-like components aren't really who you are, that the spark can, in time, change any forced reprogramming of the processor…" Speaking softly, he focused on one moment in time, a moment where he had been so close to a spark, had stared into it, before turning his head away…  
"Do you think, if he had had the time… that Megatron would have been… become like an Autobot? That all that he did actually had a purpose, but just got out of hand?" he wasn't sure if he wanted a no or a yes to that, on one hand he wanted to believe in redemption, on the other he wanted to be reassured that he was not a monster for what he had done. It was their first conversation all over again, just worded differently and spoken of for a different reason.

"A' hate ta' say it, but A' dunno… A'm a lil' slow, can' ya' tell? Though A' would like ta' believe that he coulda had some good in him at th' begginin'… Shadow' lived 'round there 'fore the war started an' knows mo' then meh… he should know." Loki could have purred at the sight of Shadowsinger cuddling the small human, but didn't, not wanting to scare him… but it was so cute and she ended up smiling, despite the seriousness of the question and discussion.

"He did. He very much had a reason for leading a revolt against the current corrupt Autobot regime. As time passed, the reasons for the war did get obscured... But it was really Starscream who made things... well, then again, it was Optimus' idea to launch the cube..." Shadowsinger trailed away, he didn't really want to shatter Sam's perception too badly. "But been like an Autobot... what do you mean by that?"

"I meant… peaceful. Aside from troublemakers like the twins and, well, Ironhide, most of the Autobots are peaceful in their off time. And even the twins long for peace… Ironhide too." It was the best Sam could do, to describe what he meant with 'like an Autobot'. He didn't really have any other base of comparison. "If he had a reason other than wanting to rule the universe, why didn't he just stop? I mean…" taking a deep breath Sam tried to collect his thoughts. "You speak as if that government? doesn't exist anymore, why keep fighting? Why continue a war that the Autobots wanted stopped and which had no purpose anymore… did Optimus rule that government or what? Was it because Megatron hated Optimus?" It was perverse to want to know all of this, he was torturing himself! But Sam need to know, it was so easy to make monsters out of everyone on the Decepticon side, just as easy as it was to make other humans into monsters, even thought true monsters rarely existed.

"'Cause some o' the 'cons don' wanna give up, either they don' know their leader is dead… o' they don' care. Peace is a fine thin' ta' want, but gettinin' it… well it's not so easy. Trust meh, it won' come 'til the 'cons admit defeat… an', well, the chances o' that are slim ta' none!" Fidgeting, Loki shrugged, still unsure of how to answer the questions that Sam was asking… mostly since they had never been asked… well, no one had ever asked HER at least… "That's why when theres any times o' peace ya' gotta make th' best o' it, an' boy do we make that best as much as we can!"

"'Bots could surrender to... though not to Screamer," Shadowsinger commented quietly. "Optimus was Sentinel Prime's successor, I believe... It's hard to say how much of that government remains. And now you've got mechs thinkin' that the Allspark's loss really has doomed our race, and 'cons ARE a violent bunch, in general." Whoops. That might not have been the best thing to say, though he had in no way intended that as a complaint over Sam's actions.

"What do you mean, doomed without the Allspark?" Sam blink up at the mech thoroughly confused… dreadfully confused, getting worse by the second actually… "What do you mean...? Did I somehow kill the Cybertronian race by stik… by doing what I did…" fear, he did his best to battle it, but he needed! Needed for Shadowsinger to tell him it wasn't so. Tell him he had not doomed his l… his best friend's entire race.

Before her brother could speak Loki shook her head and almost laughed. "Not hardly! Sam, ya' didn' doom us, in fact, in mah opinion ya' did somethin' good." She may not know much about other things, but sparklings… that was one thing she did know about. "We have- had two ways ta' make sparklin's, aka new sparklin' mechs 'n femmes Sam. One way was the Allspark, a quick an'… well… loveless way, th' other way was bondin', with both parters wantin' a sparklin' SO much that as they interface a new spark is born. Am A' makin' any sense?" As she asked the question Loki comm.ed Shadowsinger, -Sorry bro, 'cept ya', ya' full o' love, lots 'n lots o' it.-

-Am now, 'twasn't at the time,- Shadowsinger comm.ed back, glad that Loki that taken the trouble to reassure him. "Exactly as Loki said. But many have forgotten about merge-sparking... Actually, most probably never knew. So no, Sam. All you've done is ensure that every sparkling from now on will be wanted and loved." The small mech was actually surprised that Loki knew so much about sparklings, she... well, it wasn't expected. "And, we're almost to medbay."

"But… I don't understand. If I didn't doom everyone by destroying the Allspark, then why does everyone think I did? And what do you mean with bonding? Why would you have to do that to have a spark… um, sparkling, if it's a femme thing, is that why it went out of use, because 'Bee told me that almost all of the femmes were lost early on in the war." Sam needed reassurance and he needed to know. Why, he wasn't sure, well, the first made perfect sense, but the second? There was just… Starscream had… no, it really had nothing to do with the seeker, more with the fact that he now knew how little he really understood about his friend. He wanted to know more for his own sake and for Bumblebee's sake.

With a sigh the dinobot looked down, "A femme isn' needed ta' make a sparklin' Sam, but fo' th' 'ol' fashioned' way, as ya' humans call it, WANT is needed, ta' get a sparklin' both need to want it without a doubt, an' both need ta' care fo' it. An' it's not known ta' most like Shadow said, the Allspark's been used fo' so long that ya' don't have ta' WANT a sparklin' ta' get one." She paused so the human could let it sink in. "They think ya' doomed our race cause they don' know, an' it'd be… different… fo' them ta' have ta' go ta' such lengths ta' get a sparklin' instead a' jus' makin' a body an' takin' in ta' get a spark… am A' confusin' ya' still?"

"Sis misspoke slightly, in actuality. Mergin' is what is needed, that is, two sparks touching. Could show you sometime. Bonding is separate, and not needed for sparking. She got everything else, though." Shadowsinger grinned, mildly embarrassed as he realized they likely were confusing poor Sam.

"I don't understand… and… did you just offer to have sex in front of me?!" He wasn't sure if he should be amused or offended at that idea. Sam was, however, very sure that he had understood about zero of the sparkling explanation. "How can wanting a sparkling help with getting one? It's like you're saying a girl could only have a child if she wanted it…"

"Not quite Sam… what we're sayin' is like… a girl couldn' get pregnant unless both her an' who she had sex with wanted it too. An' not jus' want, but REALLY want, like… no questions asked, no hesitation… none at all… oh, an' yes he did, an' A'll offer it too." Loki winked at the flabbergasted human, reaching down to run a claw across her friend's back and wheel wings in a way that Sam could see.

Shadowsinger gave a low moan, and he was pretty sure that Sam could feel the light tremor that went through him. "Sis... Loki, I never thought I'd say this, but not now! We need t'least wait for Sam's answer, and he needs to get to medbay for pain meds anyway. But, well... once those are dealt with..." Sam was going to leave here unable to look at any Cybertronian without blushing, at this rate!

"I think… I think I'll have to pass on that…" Swallowing dryly, Sam tried very hard to get the images of the two Cybertronians making love out of his head, not really easy now that he had a very physical demonstration to work with. The medic was beginning to sound like a really good idea, even if he didn't want any more drugs.

"A' know, but A' love teasin' ya'… an' are ya' sure, Sam? A' can assure ya' it's not like what ya' thinkin'… A' mean, look at a' size differences, ya' think it'd work if it was?" Primus bless human porn, it allowed them to find out about human mating… as well as other things that were so fun… "Ya'd learn a few thin's 'bout us too ya' know, maybe what Bumblebee would like…" Winking at the human again, Loki giggled as Sam blushed bright red. It was probably pushing too far but… it was just too good to pass up.

"You know what Wish' will do t'us if ya send Sam inta the human version of processor lock? My frame has never been modified from what I was sparked with, and I'd really like to keep it that way, you know!" Shadowsinger scolded, moving to 'hide' the youth in his arms from the dinobot. "Honestly though, Sam, the offer's open for... well, basically as long as you might want, so ya don't gotta feel pressured, k? And speaking of Wish', here's medbay."

"What 'Bee would… oh… um… I really don't think I need to know. I mean, it's sweet and all, but no, just no!" it wasn't that Sam didn't want to know, exactly, he just wasn't sure that he wanted to learn like this. Besides, just because he really lo… liked his guardian, no one said that Bumblebee liked him back. "Oh, good, the med bay!" he couldn't help sounding really relived, and incidentally rather silly, as if the med bay was the eighth wonder of the world or something similarly awe inspiring.

"Awww, ya' no fun…" Despite her teasing, they sped through the visit to Wishmaster and his med bay, even when the medic had to stop and attack Loki for making a smart comment about his love of wrenches in between Sam's painkillers being given and his check up. "So, ya' change 'ur mind yet?" Loki asked absently on the way out, ignoring Shadowsinger's exasperated look.

Since he HAD been given painkillers, and since those seemed to affect the human body with lack of balance, among other things, Shadowsinger was still carrying Sam, ready to put him down the moment he was asked. "Almost done. Just need to stop by m'office an' get ya that remote, and then we'll take you back to your room, okay?"

"No! And that sounds fine Shadowsinger… I'm a little tired, actually." Being tired actually did come as a surprise. Sam was feeling really tired, not just 'grey', he actually wanted sleep for a reason other than forgetting.

Pouting, Loki vowed to never stop bugging about getting Sam to watch her molest her brother, but she did give up for the night… The human did look kind of sleepy, cute sleepy, but still sleepy, and he did need rest while still injured.

Giving the second in command a skeptical look, Shadowsinger decided not to worry about whatever she was planning. It would come to light soon enough, and he trusted Loki not to push things TOO far. "I told you, Sam, you can call me Shadow', most do. An' th'blue-green stripe's mine." This would go SO much faster if he could ride Loki, but walking didn't make the trip THAT much longer.

"Shadow'… blue-green? Oh right, yeah, that fine…" To be honest, it was almost impossible to keep his eyes open. "What did the Ratc' clone give me? I'm so… mm…" curling up a little, Sam could feel his mind slipping into sleep, the soft motion of Shadowsinger's steps only serving to speed the effects of the drug.

As she resisted the urge to pet the human again, Loki giggled at the term 'Ratc' clone' since oh, was it true… reminding herself to tease Wishmaster about that too next time she was in his med-bay. "Think we aughta' pass on th' remote an' jus' bring it to 'im later?" she asked Shadowsinger with a small shrug, "He's pretty much asleep…"

Again he cuddled Sam marginally closer, vents cycling softly. "Yeah... Guess we should, at that." Shifting his route slightly, Shadowsinger took him back to Wei's room and tucked him back in before shooing Loki out of the room. They could check on him often, but he needed to be left alone for a while.

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Hope you enjoyed. Poor Sam...


	5. Chapter 5

And the final secret finally comes out. Shadow, Xobit, and Loki all appear in this chapter, and played themselves. TFs ain't ours, though our OCs are.  


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It was a good thing that Sam was gone. He had left in quite a bit better of condition than they had received him, and with quite a bit more knowledge than he might have wanted. Shadowsinger was glad he had been able to help, glad to have negated one of Starscream's so-called victories. He was even, to his own faint horror, sad to see Sam go, he had gotten... used to the human. None of that changed that it was a very good thing that Sam was gone. Shadowsinger couldn't be sure how much longer he would have been able to go without cracking and telling the human just how much he had cost him. And now he was back to pouting, sitting in his room in the dark glaring at Starscream's wings for simple lack of anything to do. He would have gone to the training room, but last time he'd tried that, Loki had found him WAY too close to stasis lock and managed to pry half his secret out of him in less than two breems.

Being big had its downsides and its upsides… and being able to break down doors was definitely one of the perks. "Shadow'? Com'n, A' know ya' in there…" Loki paused, listening, and when she heard nothing she growled, slamming a fist against the door. "Lemme in o' A' BREAK th' fraggin' door!" It was easy to see that Shadowsinger hadn't been himself while Sam was around, and when the human was gone, Shadowsinger had kind of run away… and the dinobot refused to let him escape.

Well, he was rather fond of his door, he liked being able to close it... With an angry cycling of vents, Shadowsinger opened the door, glad he could do so without having to actually move. "You know I love you, sis, but is there ANYWHERE I can go to get a little time to myself? I'm hiding out for a REASON." Picking a coin from subspace, and just WHY did he have a coin in subspace anyway, he threw it at the white wings.

"Ya' can be alone when ya' dead… well, never mind that, A'll hunt ya' down then too." Stepping in front of Shadowsinger, the dinobot sat, making it so she was optic to optic with her brother. "Ya' know A'm 'ere ta' listen still," she started dryly, "tha' never changed, an' A' KNOW when y'ur upset so… there's no logic in hidin' from meh." Nearly hitting herself for sounding like Prowl, Loki resisted the urge to cuddle the smaller mech, not wanting him to get even angrier.

Of course she knew when he was upset. Primus, it was probably strong enough that he'd been broadcasting his feelings at her over that thin little brother bond... at least in little snips, little flashes. With a brief grin at her unintentional mimicry, Shadowsinger finally nodded. "Take me to Prime? There's something I need to say, and she's going to have to know, and I'd rather get it done with." And now he was shaking... well, that was hardly surprising.

"Aye, of course bro." Obeying without a second thought, the dinobot pulled her brother off the table, almost dropping him from the shaking. "Are you going to be okay?" she asked quietly, not used to Shadowsinger being so upset. The second she reached Xobit's office, Loki didn't bother knocking, walking straight in. "'Bit? Shadow' needs ta' talk ta' us."

Putting down a datapad, Xobit looked at her 2IC and then flashed her optics in surprised, it was not unusual to see the dinobot carrying Shadowsinger or see him ride on her back, no. But she could not say that they usually did so when coming to meet her in her office. "Sit then, need energon? Or is this urgent…" Ending on a questioning note Xobit gestured at the seats in front of her desk.

"Not exactly urgent, no... Secret's kept for almost fifty thousand vorns, wouldn't call it urgent..." Sitting alone in the chair, Shadowsinger only resisted the urge for a moment before curling up slightly, wrapping his arms around his knees. "I'm not sure how much sense I'm going to be making. Loki...? Tell her... what I told you, when I came back from earth after meeting Sam the first time?"

Using one hand to pat Shadowsinger's back the dinobot nodded, "O' course bro." She looked at Xobit and sighed, "He was bonded… an' th' mech was a high rankin' 'con." Loki said it rather bluntly and winced, knowing full well that it had sounded rude and thoughtless. Picking her brother up, she sat him in her lap, rubbing his shoulder in a apology.

Well… so that was what Shadowsinger had never told her. Xobit leaned back and tilted her head thoughtfully. It didn't seem quite right for some reason, there had to be more to it, or her CSO would not have been this hesitant, nor have hidden the truth so long. "And I guess high enough to be in Megatron's command. Shadow'…You have never betrayed us, I know that. I will not judge unless you ask me and I will want to have all facts before doing so, in the event that you wish for me to do so…?"

"Higher than that." Shadowsinger wasn't sure if the statement had even been heard. Judgment, did he really want that? But it needed to be said, should have been said much earlier, really. "Sam's presence only made my mood worse, surely you noticed that..." It was good that Xobit had already assured him that she didn't doubt his loyalty, that had been one of his biggest worries, that everyone would assume he was a traitor and act without listening... irrational and he knew it. "Sam... I should hate him for what he took from me... I don't! I even like him, and I don't blame him..." THAT was almost pure mis-direction, a desire to move the conversation away from the topic.

Even though their Prime was gentle, Loki could feel her brother's tense frame tense even more as he spoke, thumbs never stopping their circular motions across his back. "Aye, ya' were startin' ta' worry us… but A' know that's not what this is 'bout, an' 'Bit knows too, so no changin' th' subject." If Shadowsinger got any tenser he'd be a rock… hands wrapped around him protectively, the dinobot continued petting, trying to relax him.

"One of his officers…" it was a question and yet not. Xobit did not intend to let Shadowsinger divert them from the subject either, the small mech obviously needed to talk about it and… Wait, there were only two reasons that he would blame Sam, either he believed the myth of the Allspark being able to call back a spark, or…

He made a soft mewling and nuzzled Loki's hands softly. "No... Him. Megatron... I... It's obvious why I never told, and then it wasn't an issue, I thought it didn't matter any more, and then I met Sam, and then... and now... And I know I should have told you sooner, an..." Shadowsinger realized he was babbling rather suddenly and shut up, shivering and looking at Xobit and feeling... much better, actually.

Although speechless, Loki wasn't surprised… no, it was impossible to be surprised, after all, Shadowsinger had been taken care of by Soundwave, was almost a Decepticon… and she found herself actually GLAD it was Megatron that was his former bond mate, after all, what slag headed fool would severely hurt their leader's mate? "That explains 'ur fondness of pain an' why ya' so good at what ya' do…" Trying to relieve some of the tenseness in the situation Loki teased lightly, rubbing a finger across his helm. "'An why ya' so voracious."

"Ah…" It was not that hard to imagine, really, and Xobit could understand the attraction easily enough, just… "Neither of you knew what you were doing, did you? No, don't answer that, I gather from some of the things you have asked me and… the bond was never completed was it." A statement, voiced with sympathy and no little pain for her small officer, bonds were nothing to joke with and having one torn asunder… "You could have told me Shadow'. I knew you were hiding something, but… I always knew you did not intend to betray this ship."

"No. We didn't," Shadowsinger answered, even though Xobit had said not to. "Which is why I was so weirded out when you started talking about how..." he trailed off with a shrug, not sure how to end that. "And of course it was never complete, definitely not in war, doubt it ever would have been... ...Would you stop being so... accepting?" His mood changed from contemplative to nervously agitated, though the small mech didn't squirm enough to free himself from Loki's hold. "Both of you, it's just 'ah, that explains that' and... it's like you're not GETTING it... That's why I said I wanted the post here, because I hoped you might find him, and... And... And why am I trying to get you mad at me...?"

Okay, so joking was a bad idea… noting that little bit of information, Loki refused to let her brother go, keeping him still and comforting him as much as possible. "A' dunno, but A'd suggest ya' stop tryin', cause no matter what A' ain't getting' mad at ya', not fo' doin' somethin' like this…" The spinisaurus wasn't good at serious discussions… well, that was obvious, but still…

"Is there such a thing as too accepting? Shadow'… I should know better than anyone that bonds are made at a price. Even not making them costs, especially with an ongoing war. Why should we be mad? First of all, this happened long ago, before you had even heard of us. Second, I knew I could trust you, I know I can still trust you… pit, the last few human weeks you have been helping your mate's killer!" Actually, Xobit was a bit angry with him, Shadowsinger was hurting and had been for some time. Xobit was hurt that he had not come to her or Loki… anyone on board in fact, to talk about this! Not that it made sense, but she had given him so many secrets to hold, why had he not thought her worthy of the same?

Hiding his face in his hands again, Shadowsinger cycled his vents. "Because I've been a deceitful wretch all this time?" He was just offering it, with a line of amusement that showed he wasn't, quite, as serious as he might have been. "And... I helped him more because it would piss off Screamer... ...and because my mate was strong, his killer... I wasn't going to let Starscream weaken him like that..." Okay, sense had kind of taken a vacation. With a soft whimper, he nuzzled Loki. "If he still lived... he'd try to kill you for that link we forged, sis. And I knew when I did it... and he lived then..."

"What? Is that supposed ta' make me angry? O'… ya' confubalatin' me bro, that means notin' ta' meh, cause even if A' knew A'd still've done it." Loki shook her head, "Deceitful wrench? Bah! 'ur notin' o' the sort! Lemme hear ya' say that 'gain, an' a'll SHOW ya' deceitful wrench!" If it was one thing she wouldn't tolerate it was her brother calling himself names.

"Everyone keeps secrets, for many different reasons… some are good, valid, and some not so good. You have not been deceitful, you have merely not told all you could have. Not once in all the time you have been on board have you threatened this crew, your crew! That is all that matters…" Many saw Xobit as too open minded; others as too narrow minded… mostly that depended on how they had met her. Her crew was her family, and no one harmed them without feeling her sharp glossa, at best, or the sharp edges of her blades, at worst. Xobit also fiercely believed in freedom and knew a lot more about the things that had led to this the second civil war of Cybertron then most. No, she would be the last to judge anyone for something like this!

"I'd protest that... but sis would molest me, and I'm not sure we'd get out of the office first..." Shadowsinger commented dryly. Sometimes he hated how blasé the crew could be about things... other times it was good. This time it was a good thing, even if he did feel horribly off-balance. "...While I'm at it, I might as well state unambiguously that Senator Ratbat was my Creator and Soundwave oversaw my raising as much as anyone did. And I'm getting random."

Since she knew what her brother was talking about already, Loki nodded to the words of both statements, frowning slightly. She'd admitted that she'd been wrong about Soundwave after hearing more about him, but still… "No, ya' wouldn' even make it outa my LAP, brother."

"Senator Ratbat… he was found to be involved in illegal gladiator fighting, among other things, right?" Shaking her head, she dismissed that concern. "That explains your comments about the ventilation systems then. Random is fine, I gather you expected quite a different reaction to all of this… We have been together too long for something to tear us apart Shadow'. This secret… I will keep it for you until you want it out!" Smiling reassuringly Xobit leaned back and relaxed.

Relaxing more, Shadowsinger nodded, "Yeah... That's him. It actually might not be that far off to say he started the war, I still wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had noticed... but, well..." He shrugged, not wanting to dwell on things. "I 'xpected a bit more anger an' less blasé acceptance, yes." Well, that had been... quite a bit easier than feared. "Oh, not that I quite think it matters, but he did scratch the 'con symbol on my spark casing that first night. So, just, if anything... um, yeah."

Making note to search for the mark next time she had Shadowsinger at her mercy, Loki shook head, hiding the momentary thoughts. "Rightio then bro, A'll jus' pretend ya' didn' say that ya' thought we'd be mad, we love ya' too much ta' be mad!" Nuzzling the smaller mech, Loki sighed at him, "Think it 'gain an' A'll show ya' mad, A' swear on it!"

"It takes a bit to, ahh, 'tick me off', as you well know. Had you told me this when we first met, I might have blown a fuse, but I think from different reasons than you would have expected." Stretching a bit, she wondered at the mechs and femmes who would have thrown Shadowsinger into the brig for this… or worse. Such intolerance on both sides still, was it a wonder that this war still tore at them. If they ever found 'the Heart of Cybertron', would Primus even speak to his wayward children?

He chuckled, "Well, you seemed pretty well ticked off when you came to my office the other day... I'm still not sure the thyme has fully recovered!" Right... everything was fine... as normal as they ever got... "And sis, Ah think yer confusin' mad with charged 'gain..." They should leave, Xobit probably had work to do...

"A' ain't! A' swear!" Loki said, "A'… A'…" Unable to find anything else to say, the dinobot dropped her head, muttering threats of torture at her brother… "Ya' done spillin' 'ur guts an' failin' at pissin' us off?" she asked finally, unable to stop fidgeting from staying in one spot too long.

"Go and burn off some of that… energy, will ya? I need to finish up on the reports… by the way, the thyme was fine, I doubt it suffered half the shock that your glitch mouse did." Smiling mischievously, Xobit picked up the discarded data pad and pretended to find it interesting. She had a lot to think about now, old memories and new knowledge… Shadowsinger had given her an idea, insane, impractical and so very, very plausible. Not realizing it, her grin had faded and her faceplate filled with the intense expression that only came when she thought about the past.

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Please leave me a review! Or a flame... Direct all flames towards Shadow!


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